


Breaking the Habit

by finesharp



Category: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-28
Updated: 2009-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-11 17:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finesharp/pseuds/finesharp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Oh, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me. I'll be anybody you want me to be.</em> -Chuck Palaniuk, Invisible Monsters</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking the Habit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amber Largo (amberswansong)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberswansong/gifts).



Zydrate, as it turned out, was the easier addiction to kick. The muscle spasms, hallucinations, and nausea were a cakewalk.

Compared to looking in the mirror, anyway.

The face she got to replace the fallen one was a necessity, and she made sure the surGENs took their time and got it on there good and tight. To keep it there, she had to leave it as it was. No poking, no cutting, no tweaking. She went off the zydrate, vowing to get clean without anyone knowing she'd even been dirty. Not for sure, anyway.

It hadn't taken long for Amber to realize that if she was going to be the face of GeneCo, she needed to have, well, _a_ face. She didn't have time for surgery, even as fast as the zydrate fixed her up, and she wasn't supposed to be taking that anyway.

The mirrors mocked her, though. Every morning she dressed and faced her imperfections. Pavi's hand mirrors seemed to get left everywhere. The labs and clean rooms were full of reflective surfaces.

Every time she looked in a mirror there was something else she wanted to change. She was horrifying, she knew. The face she'd chosen was all wrong. Everything about her was wrong. And she couldn't let herself do anything about it.

When it started to get too much, she thought about sneaking out to see a back alley surgeon. All the good ones were under strict orders not to touch her.

It was Luigi that turned up in the stairwell, just watching as she went for the loading dock.

"It's just a little thing," she told him without waiting for him to ask. "Just a few details. The shape of my eyes is all wrong. My nose is too fine. It'll be quick."

He just stared at her.

"God, I know, okay? I know I shouldn't. But I can't stand looking at- at this-" she ran her fingers over the edges of her face, as if she was considering tearing it off "- for a minute longer. It's wrong."

Luigi walked toward her. "You can do whatever the fuck you want. I don't give a fuck. But if you end up looking like Pavi, I'll have to run the fucking company."

"Whatever. I'm sure you'd love that," she said, crossing her arms.

Putting himself between her and the exit, Luigi crossed his arms to match. "You tell me you really fucking think it's worth that, and I'll get out of your fucking way."

Amber glared at him for a long minute, then huffed and turned back the way she'd come. She complained loudly as she stormed back up the stairs, but when she got to the top, she was smiling.  



End file.
